Why Do You Want To Change

The answer to the question, “Why Do You Want To Change?” is a simple one. It’s because I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. My entire life, from 1st or 2nd grade, I’ve been the “loveable troublemaker”. As an adolescent a lot of my wrongdoing was chalked up to ADHD or just a kid being a kid, but the reality of it is that I didn’t fear consequences. I DID get punished, whooping, and restrictions were abundantly given, but I didn’t fear them, therefore I never learned from them. As I grew my wrongdoings progressed and became less harmless and more destructive. It was like quicksand, the more wrong I did the worse I felt and the worse I felt I did more wrong to cope. I didn’t like myself, many friends started not to like me, and my family didn’t like me – they loved me, but didn’t like who I was becoming. I ruined scholarship opportunities and relationships due to my anger and criminal behaviors. These patterns continued until 18 when I inevitably got popped hitting a lick and sentenced to prison. Prison does one of two things, it either makes you a better man or it makes you worse than before. I thank God everyday that I’m slowly but surely becoming a man worth being proud of. I’ve been saved. Every day is difficult, 19 years of worldly living left its mark on me. But my heart is focused on God so I KNOW  I’ll be able to overcome. Change isn’t over-night, much as I’d like that to be the case, but with persistence and Faith in the creator it’ll happen. I will be a man that God, my family, and myself can be proud of. I still fall short, matter of fact I smoked a rip about an hour ago after quitting for almost a year. It’s not a habit I’m going to pick back up but it was an eye opener, showing me that as a follower of Christ I must always be aware that Satan will never stop trying to get me to fail. But like the Apollo 13 slogan, “Failure Is Not An Option.”

–Gabriel Johnson