It is hard to see light at the end of any tunnel when you have blindfolded yourself and buried your head in the sand. My story is a common one, but unique to me because it is mine and mine alone. The shoes I have walked in my 30 years are worn at the soles and frayed at the seams. I am not who I used to be and the world is a much better place due to that fact.
My name is Jordyn Cahill and I am currently serving a 10 year prison sentence for armed robbery. I was highly addicted to Oxycontin and participated in robberies of local pharmacies to support my devilish habit. Nothing could stop me, not motherhood, family love, friend suggestions, lover’s pleadings or demanded ultimatums. The only thing that could have saved me and that, which did, was God. My prison sentence saved my life and my south, both of which I thought were damaged beyond repair. It has allowed me to see past my self-imposed hell to a future laden with beautiful possibilities and unbelievable redemption.
My growth has been a collective measure as I have drawn from the pain I have endured and the pain I have caused others. Listening as my son blew out his birthday candles and then he cried with disappointment because his ability to fly and rescue me did not happen, has been the kindling for the fire that fueled my change. Seeing the sadness in my parents’ eyes as they tried to make sense of all I had done makes me strive to be a better daughter. To have to watch as my siblings have grown up and moved away and I have remained behind unforgiving bars of steel has helped me to see where I long to be and what I need to get there. To bear witness to the sadness and confusion I left in the man that loved me, the sadness that almost drove him mad, has given me reason to work harder to ensure that I never do that to another person again. To look in my own eyes and see the years of neglect and self-inflicted abuse and to know deep down that I was worth more and pushed me to reach for just that. With forgiveness from God, my loved ones, and myself I have been able ato walk this path of recovery and redemption.
After years of abusing others and myself I now cherish both. Only through God have I been able to see my future. God removed my head from the sand and the blindfold from my eyes. At first my eyes burnt, but after a while I began to regain my focus. I learned again how to live and how to love. Because I have been forgiven much, I can now forgive much. I know fully what unconditional love is because people have taught me how to listen by listening to me. My road is not fully traveled and now I have a new pair of walking shoes, new and comfortable. Through God I began to repair myself one fragile piece at a time. My restoration is not yet complete, but then God is not yet done with me.
I am grateful to still be a work in progress!